Dark knight Review

Seeing as this is my first review, I feel I should start with a bang, and considering *bang* was the sound you hear whenever someone talks smack about this piece of cinematic beauty, I figured it would be appropriate.

When I first heard Heath Ledger was playing The Joker I was extremely skeptical to say the least. Especially after starring in “19th Century Homoeroticism: The Movie” and even though I haven’t seen Brokeback Mountain, from what I hear….Jake Gyllenhaal was the bitch. Think about that when you’re watching the Prince of Persia movie. Anyways, my skepticism and I were shown up while watching Dark Knight because about 5 minutes into the movie I’m pretty sure Heath had managed to terrify every man woman and child in the audience and show the tip of the batshit bonkers iceberg the Joker always should have been. After his second on-screen appearance, most of the rest of the movie is spent waiting for the Joker to do something else absurd and hilarious. As he should, the Joker does have a couple humorous moments. I personally found it hilarious when he was telling Rachel about how he got his scars, and in retrospect probably should’ve calmed myself because I was sitting at the back, alone, laughing hysterically. But every shot the Joker is in just gets better and better. The Joker is without a doubt the best part of the entire film.

Believe it or not there was one other awesome character in this movie, and I am of course talking about the other villain, Two Face/Harvey Dent. If you didn’t already know Harvey Dent becomes Two Face, you should never, ever, under any circumstances, refer to yourself as a Batman fan.  Just look at his poster, it practically yells “GUESS WHO ELSE IS IN THIS MOVIE” in your face. Harvey Dent is a good guy for the first half of the movie until he becomes an angry burn victim and decides to start flipping coins and shooting people and not completely finishing drinks. The makeup, CGI, whatever the hell they did to Aaron Eckhart’s face is beautiful. He looks nothing like Tommy Lee Jones’s Two Face, and in the best way imaginable. I’m pretty sure every child that saw the movie left the theater either crying or pooing, and if they did anything other than the two of those, then their better men than me. The first time you see the scarred side of his face; you’ll probably cringe or at least wince. Or, if you’re anything like me, shout “THATS FUCKING AWESOME” and slink back down in your seat.

Oh, and apparently there’s a couple other people that were in this movie, like the malnutrition guy from The Machinist, the dad from Goldmember, and the bad guy from Fifth Element, and some black guy from Shawshank Redemption? Apparently they were in it.

The only thing that was not fucking awesome about this movie was the kind of forced romance between Bruce and Rachel. Bale and Gyllenhaal just didn’t really have good chemistry, but that’s forgivable. Also, the Scarecrow was super half assed at the beginning of the movie. He’s actually in maybe 5 shots, and then never again for the rest of the movie. I mean the scene makes sense for other reasons but it still ultimately could’ve been left out, and the movie would have been just as amazing. And the entire cast is great except for Maggie Gyllenhaal’s mediocre performance; they were just overshadowed by the Joker and Two Face, and maybe the Watchmen trailer too. But the writing and directing in this movie are fantastic, and it better be getting lots of wins at the Oscars this year, this movie totally deserves them and anyone who disagrees, is wrong.

And yes, I know who Morgan Freeman is. He wins at life.

10 Scarred Coins out of 10